I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
