I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
accomplished twins. life is a go
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
50% drunk capacity currently
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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