They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize