I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
