Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This house was built for laser tag.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
