Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Life is so much better after having sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
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Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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