I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
