I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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