Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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