And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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