When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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