the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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