I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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