i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize