I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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