Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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