I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
