Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
