Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
