her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
