He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
