Pants 0. Shit 1.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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