My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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