To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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