I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Randomize
