One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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