Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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