Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
