Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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