he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
