oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
