Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
