I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
