I need help removing her.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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