Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
