my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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