Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
