Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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