well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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