i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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