Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
