did you get engaged???
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
