Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
