Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
