Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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