Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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