Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
