i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
