just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
