I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
