it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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