He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
