I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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