im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
only if we run a train.
done.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
