Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
