I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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