I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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