he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
