If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
