so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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