Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
