Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
