I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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