Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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