i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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