Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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