i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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