I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
