I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
